Crawling and Other Life Goals

Caleb has been working on crawling for a few weeks now. He started by simply lifting his head while lying on his stomach. Then he began to let his hands and feet touch the floor (previously he teetered on his belly button with his back arched). Soon after, his legs began to pull up underneath him. Then, one day, as if out of nowhere, he pushed up on his hands and his stomach lifted off the ground. And THEN the process really began to take shape. He would push up on all fours and instantly flop to the ground. Day by day he stayed up longer. We began putting objects just out of reach and letting him struggle for them. When he finally made his way to the toy - in no short amount of time - we celebrated with him. Slowly but surely he has begun moving around, not yet crawling - UNTIL TODAY! Today he made his first BIG move...legs curled under, arms pushing up, then on all fours, he rocked front to back. Then, in a sudden move his legs thrust forward one after another, and he tumbled to the floor. I quickly scooped him up - not to save him from his fall but to celebrate his success. I tossed him in the air, and his smile lit up the room.

This is both the joy and challenge of parenting: to know what your child needs to learn, help them get there, and celebrate appropriately. And it doesn't stop after childhood. Angie and I know that Caleb needs to crawl. My mum often informs me that research shows crawling improves reading skills. Whether that's true or not, he needs to crawl. Crawling involves risk. He will fall in the learning process. It will be harder on us once he can move around. We will have to watch what he gets into, childproof our home, and chase him around. But the reward is MUCH greater than the risk. And the process is as much for us, his parents, as it is for him. Walking carries even greater risk. Caleb needs to crawl first so that the leap in perceived risk is reduced and we can cope more easily.

Keeping all of this in mind, we must know our son in order to help him learn to crawl. He is a curious boy. He LOVES bottles - not his baby bottles, Coke bottles, juice bottles, water bottles, etc. So we put a combination of toys and bottles just out of reach so that he can practice getting to them. Every now and then, when his frustration heightens we reward him for his efforts and give him one of the toys (or bottles). It's not a constant effort on our part (a few short times a day), but a continual, intentional one. Over time he makes new strides in the process to crawling and we celebrate. Once again, we have to know our child to celebrate appropriately. Caleb loves being tossed in the air. Not every child does.

This process will continue for us until Caleb has reached healthy autonomy. It is the same process over and over, and even overlapping, but the goals get more complex and more difficult to identify. Therefore, we, as parents, must become MORE intentional and aware, not less. We must take the time to identify where we want our children to be, evaluate their current position, and consider how to help them get there - always keeping in mind who he is, not who I am. Then we must actually do it.

LOVED - CARED FOR - KNOWN

Digital Community?

Historically, it seems reasonable that others would know what's happening in the lives of people in their community because community was bound by time and space. There were distinct demarcations for a community. On some occasions these boundaries were overcome by those outside of the community, but because of limitations of travel and communication, this was a rare occurrence. Communities were also bound together within the same period of time. They experienced life together on a daily basis. Doors to houses were open, women shopped in the same market daily, men met for various reasons, the heat of the day meant most work stopped and each life depended on the other.

However, today's Western, urban world is MUCH different - and is impacting the entire globe. Community no longer functions primarily within a given space, or even time, if it functions at all. More and more, 'communities' consist of individuals scattering the globe. And if you didn't talk with Jenny yesterday, never mind, you can just check her status or blog to see what has happened in life. For those who do not yearn for face time, or even voice time, there's little reason to work for it. But there is a tipping point (we all need community to be healthy).

The internet has propagated a disconnected world that yearns to connect. The MySpace and Facebook phenomena give proof. Twitter offers a single location in which to open your front door and let your community see your everyday life. Every human desires to know other people and, even more importantly, to be known. Social networking tools capitalise on this innate desire and the lack of fulfillment in everyday life. If these are used as tools to enhance or develop actual community, then they hold immense value to society. However, more and more social networking sites are becoming the hub of community rather than a means to enhance community life.

If our Western, urban culture continues to perpetuate this disconnected community, how will it affect our world?

Hockey and the Church

For a while my father-in-law was part of the Big Brother Big Sister program. His "little brother", Aaron, is an older teenager now and has better things to do so they stepped away from the official relationship but still stay in touch.

We went to one of Aaron's hockey games today (or at least we tried to. Apparently it was the wrong time, or rink, or day or something.) There were about 30 or so people in the stands watching. Mostly parents and family it seemed. We walked up and down the glass trying to find Aaron on the ice. His mom wasn't around and it's so difficult to recognise anyone with their face behind a mask. We definitely had a confused look on our faces as we paced back and forth, sat down, got up, walked to the desk, returned to the rink and sat down again. We watched for about twenty minutes and I noticed something interesting. There was a contingent of fans for each side huddled closely together cheering for the boys. Then there were a few small clumps of people a bit distanced from the main group, and several others alone. There was even one mom sitting upstairs watching the game through glass…alone. And us, clearly confused, a bit out of place but seemingly there for a common purpose - to watch these boys slide around the ice.

I began to wonder, "Is this community?" I'm pretty sure no one would argue that all of these people are living in community together (even the fans of each respective team). But I talk to people quite often that believe they experience community every Sunday morning at a "church". They gather together with sometimes random people in a common area for a common purpose once a week and call it community. A group of people gathered together for a common cause may fall within the definition of community but it does not equal healthy community. It's just a crowd. I have spoken with pastors who believe that a Sunday morning service is an introduction to community. However, many Sunday morning church services are no different than the hockey game. Yes, there were likely people at the hockey game that were in community, but it wasn't because of the event. They were already living life together and the event was simply part of their community.

In the parts of the Western world that I know, community is not incidental. True community can only be found when we are intentional. For the purpose of this conversation, what if we considered two types of community - what I will call proximal community and profitable community. Proximal community requires very little from me and, thus, returns very little to me. It's simply a group of people gathering/living together, sometimes even with a common interest. Profitable community, on the other hand, requires a commitment and investment but returns so much more. In this community I keep the health of the others in mind; hence, everyone else in the community always considers my personal health. This is the type of community I read about in the Scriptures. This is the type of community that Jesus exhibited. This is the type of community that I'm looking for.